Date: Ongoing
Location: Anywhere a vet wants to confuse civilians
Prepared By: Former guest of the Korengal Hilton
1. Mission:
Procure and field-test apparel depicting a skier exiting a Chinook over the Kunar Valley. Assess accuracy, morale impact, and potential for dark laughter.
2. Execution:
T-shirt arrived on time. Black, Chinook silhouette, skier mid-jump. Immediate reaction: laughed harder than I should’ve. Triggered memories of flying nap-of-the-earth into Kunar with the ramp down, ready to sprint into a hot LZ, not do a backflip with skis on.
Wore the shirt into public, clinic, gym, gas station. Observed reactions. Civilians stared. Veterans either smirked, laughed, or gave that look like “Jesus...”
3. Terrain & Conditions:
Soft cotton. Durable print. No shrinkage. Holds up under stress, sweat, and awkward conversations about “Did you really ski in Afghanistan?” Answer: Not unless you count tactical sliding down shale while under fire.
4. Enemy Activity:
No direct contact, but several civilians failed to comprehend the concept. One asked if it was a joke. It is. The kind you only understand if you’ve watched tracer fire stitch across the mountainside while riding shotgun in a bird that shouldn’t be flying that low.
5. Morale:
Immediate boost. Shirt sparked gallows humor, unit pride, and a flashback or two. High potential for bonding with others who’ve walked the line in Kunar, the Korengal, Pech, and beyond.
6. Logistics:
Veteran-owned company. Figures. Only someone who humped a ruck through those valleys would think to turn that hellhole into an extreme sport logo. Chinook detail is on point. Anyone who ever heard “two minutes out” and tightened their chinstrap will recognize the silhouette.
7. Recommendations:
Issue to anyone who’s deployed to eastern Afghanistan, has a working sense of humor, and isn’t afraid of confused stares. Highly effective for repelling small talk and identifying fellow degenerates.
8. Rating:
5 out of 5. Would wear to my own funeral if I thought it’d get a laugh.
